Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Halloween Costume Contest

Announcer: Welcome to the First Annual Children's Book Halloween Costume Contest! We've invited many of your favorite characters from children's books to show off their holiday best. During the past two days, a preliminary panel has narrowed down hundreds of entries to a top twelve, who will today be competing alone, as pairs, or in groups. Our esteemed judges, fresh off TV's PROJECT RUNWAY, are top designer Michael Kors--

Kors: Hi guys.

Announcer: Editor at large from ELLE Magazine, Nina Garcia--

Garcia: Hola.

Announcer: And fashion model Heidi Klum!

Klum: He-wo.

Announcer: If you hear your name called, please come up on stage, so your Halloween costume can be viewed by our entire audience. The judges will be rating your costume on originality, construction, and taste.

Announcer: First up are a pair of specters -- "The Little Ghost" from the book of the same name by Otto Preussler, and Godfrey from Inger and Lasse Sandberg's LITTLE GHOST GODFREY.

Klum: I like the European flair of both garments.

Kors: To me, it looks like you're both just wearing bedsheets.

Garcia: White after Labor Day? Sorry guys, you've just committed a fashion faux pas.

Announcer: Next we have Joey from I AM NOT JOEY PIGZA by Jack Gantos.
Joey, could you come up on stage? No, over here. Yes, those are nice drapes, no need to climb them. Over here. No, you can't hold the microphone. Please give that back to me. Ouch. Thank you. Now, stand still!

Garcia: The bee outfit is nice, but the headpiece is too small.

Klum: And one of your antenna is bwoken.

Kors: Bees. Saturday Night Live, circa 1977. So lame.

Announcer: Next up, a group from WINNIE-THE-POOH by A.A. Milne!

Kors: Too gaudy.

Garcia: What does this have to do with Milne's stories or Ernest Shepard's original vision of the characters? It's a new low in the Disneyfication of literature and fashion.

Klum: It looks like he's Pooh in fabric.

Announcer: Next up is Jill Brenner, from Judy Blume's novel BLUBBER.

Kors: I'm not exactly sure what your costume is supposed to represent.

Jill: I'm a flenser.

Garcia: What's a flenser?

Jill: The guy who removes the blubber from a whale on a whaling boat. Have any of you see Blub-- I mean, Linda Fischer, around?

Klum: She's over dere!

(Jill runs off the stage and chases Linda into the girls' bathroom.)

Announcer: Next up we have a group that calls itself The Kids from Klickatat Street, led by Henry Huggins dressed as a Native American.

Kors: This is a very fifties look.

Garcia: I don't like it. The robot is dated and the Native American costume isn't--

Klum: Powiticawy cowwect.

Garcia: Exactly.

Announcer: Next up is Weetzie Bat from the novel of the same name by Francesca Lia Block.

Weetzie: I'm so glad you told off that Retro-Duck who was just up here. He shouldn't have worn an Indian outfit. They were here first and we treated them like--

Kors (interrupting): What in the world are you wearing?

Weetzie: Pink harlequin glasses and an antique taffeta dress covered with poetry written in glitter. Isn't it slinkster-cool?

Garcia: But what are you supposed to be?

Weetzie: BE?

Garcia: For Halloween.

Weetzie: This isn't a Halloween costume. This is how I dress EVERY day.

Klum: Next!

Announcer: Here's a pair of Spanish costumes, worn by Eddie Wilson of Carolyn Haywood's EDDIE'S PAY DIRT and Manaolo of Maia Wojciechowska's SHADOW OF A BULL.

Klum: Your costume seems authentic, Manaolo.

Garcia: But yours is a bit much, Eddie.

Kors: Were you deliberately going for the metrosexual look, Ed?

Announcer: Our next finalist is Harriet M. Welsch from HARRIET THE SPY by Louise Fitzhugh, dressed as an onion.

Kors: It looks like striped pajamas to me.

Garcia: I like the layered look. It's very ap-peeling.

Klum: It makes. Me weep.

Announcer: Now a pair of pilgrims -- Jennifer and Elizabeth from E.L. Konigsburg's JENNIFER, HECATE, MACBETH, WILLIAM MCKINLEY, AND ME, ELIZABETH.

Kors: Your garment looks very authentic, Jennifer -- especially the buckles and cracked leather on your shoes.

Garcia: Unfortunately, Elizabeth, your pilgrim costume is a little short and a little tight.

Klum: And I can see where you pinned it.

Jennifer (tiredly leans against wall): Before we go, I would like just a drink of water....

Announcer: Next up is Max from Maurice Sendak's WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.

Klum: Wuv the wolf wook, but why the cwown?

Kors: It makes a statement, I think.

Garcia: But once again: white after Labor Day. If my kid wore white after Labor Day, I'd send him to bed without supper.

Next is the protagonist of Beverly Cleary's RAMONA THE PEST.

Garcia: Basic black is always a safe choice.

Kors: Many designers like to use their name as a brand or logo, but your "Ramona Q." logo overwhelms the garment.

Klum: I think you should wear a mask with that witch outfit. Oh, you ARE wearing a mask?

(Ramona exits stage right, muttering the word witch. Or something that sounds like it.)

Announcer: Next up is Annabelle Andrews from FREAKY FRIDAY by Mary Rodgers, who is dressed up as her mother.

Garcia: Why, you couldn't look more 1970s suburban housewife if you tried: pastel pantsuit, helmet hair, sturdy shoes....

Kors: Look, she's even got the crows-feet next to her eyes.

Klum: What a transformation, Annabelle! It's almost magical! How did you do it?

Annabelle: You are not going to believe me. Nobody in their right minds could possibly believe me....

Announcer: Finally, we have Oscar, the hero of Dav Pilkey's THE HALLO-WIENER. Oscar is a long little doggie dressed up as a wiener dog.

Oscar (dejectedly): My mom made me wear this costume.

Kors: Well, it's wonderful. It's not easy finding a costume for a character who is "half-a-dog tall and one-and-a-half dogs long."

Garcia: It's witty, it's original...and I think we have our winning costume right here!

Klum: Oscar, we hereby name you "best in show."

Oscar: I can't believe it! Me? I'd like to thank my mother and my father...my obedience school teacher, my vet, my groomer, my wormer, my agent. I must frank-ly tell all of you that I couldn't have done this by myself. And I relish this opportunity to thank French's mustard, Heinz catsup, and all the others who helped make this costume....

Klum: Auf wiedersehen, Oscar.

Oscar: Arf-arf wiedersehen!


Anonymous said...

Loved this! Thanks for the memories and smiles.

Anonymous said...

nicely done.

Nancy Arruda said...

What fun!!! There are some great costumes in Jack Prelutsky's, It's Halloween, with pictures by Marylin Hafner, first published in 1977. Heidi vould lov dem.

Esme Raji Codell said...

SO GREAT!!! Thank you for this fabulous entry.

Anonymous said...

This must have taken you forever! But it's such fun . . . thanks!

Deanna H. said...

That looks like a lot of work and I thank you for it. How fun to look at those and read all of it.

aimee said...

hahhahahha, Almost a year too late but what a great post!